Reply to DCUM, please headshrink my MIL issues

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[quote=Anonymous]I don't have much advice but I am right there with you and you have my sympathies. We live with my mother (in HER house) while we are renovating our house. Our renovation has dragged on so we have been here a year, from when DS was 1 to now almost 2. A lot of the examples you give, I have similar stories. Its my moms fridge and she thinks DS needs 3 cups of milk a day, so she is VERY on top of the milk situation, reminding us to buy even though I don't think we need it etc. She also buys a lot of clothes and toys.

My mom does the childcare though.

I think you need to make peace with the situation where you can. She does sound like she really will be a help to you when you have a newborn, and your daughter is happy for now. We are tight on cash for the renovation, so I basically just let my mom do the toys and clothes shopping since she seems to really enjoy it. If we're going to visit my friends or take photos I know I will want framed or something, I choose a couple outfits, but otherwise DS is styled by my mom which is NOT trendy or cool, but functions. Same with toys. IF you feel your child is being spoiled, stop buying for her.

I think you need to leave the house frequently as a small family and also get siblings in on it and have MIL go visit them. We spend a LOT of time outside when I get home from work because my mom doesn't like bugs or heat. We walk and go to playgrounds and go out to dinner to get some space. Luckily my mom can go through bouts of introversion where she wants to be alone too, so that helps. We plan vacations to go see my husbands family. We also go camping, which my mom doesn't like.

It can be really hard to feel like I'm parenting with three people, but I basically am so I've just tried to let go. It took me a while to let my mom watch him on the weekends just so I can do something indulgent, because I felt like, "oh, she gets so much time with him already" but once I did and truly let myself enjoy some me time, I felt so lucky to know my son was safe and happy and in a familiar place and I could take my time enjoying a date with my husband. My son is MY son, he will know that in adulthood and for his whole life. I love him fiercely as his mother and he loves my mom as his grandma. I'm not going to "win" by banning Mickey Mouse.  [/quote]

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