Reply to I'm feeling stupid for being sad because my DD wants my husband to adopt her

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DD has always know about her dad, she's seen pictures, but I think he's more like that  relative you only see on Thanksgiving,   in that you know you are related,  but there's no real connection or meaning there.

Maybe that;s my fault, maybe that's how things naturally progress.

I'm very happy she has  my husband and wants this, and I don't want to put my feelings on her, I don't think that's fair to her. This should be a happy thing. I think I'm just realizing I have a bit more emotional unpacking to do than I  thought.

As for my husband, he's on board, he would have done it years ago, but agreed to let it be her decision.

I do like the suggestion of having him change his middle name, I've never heard of that.[/quote]

OP, instead of looking at it as a loss, she is fortunate to have two fathers who love her dearly.  I would not have your husband change his name. That is creepy and makes no sense.   Have her retain her name and add his last name.  Either do her father's last name as a double middle name or last name.  We adopted and retained our child's first name and he will always have that from his birth mom.  It sounds like this is more of an issue for you and you are still morning the loss of your first husband/child's father.  She probably has more feelings to this but isn't at a point in her life to express them.  She's at that stage in life where she wants to fit in and for her fitting in is having the same father and life as her younger sibling has.  She wants to feel equal and even though she is to both you and your husband, she for what ever reasons doesn't feel it.  She may also get asked a lot of questions from peers and its just easier for her at this stage to be adopted.  You can still do special stuff to remember her dad at important times of the year.[/quote]

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