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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Huh. I don't understand all the nastiness toward OP.

OP, I am not like you at all (I am very quiet) but I also had a strained relationship with my parents. I felt guilty about it, too. When I finally got therapy for other issues we spent some time discussing my parents and my therapist told me it sounded like they weren't capable of more of a relationship and I was right to be self-protective. That surprised me, since I sort of thought therapists always would want you to work out stuff like that. A couple years later I was talking to my brother about it, and his therapist said the same thing. We actually laughed a long time during that conversation. There was also drinking.

Anyway, given the random nastiness I don't think you are going to get much useful feedback here. If it really bothers you, seek out a professional opinion.

Also, my dad died not that long ago. My mom has health problems. I have a lot of sadness about what our relationship was/is like, but no regrets because it wasn't up to me to change. Sometimes you win the family lottery, sometimes you don't.[/quote]

It's okay. I posted to vent while buzzed and I get that people only know what was in a post. I am actually not in the least bit dramatic or immature and haven't discussed these feelings with anyone in my family. I wasn't an easy child / teen for sure and my parents were far from perfect, albeit well intended. There was a lot more in my childhood / adolescence that happened that isn't detailed here.

I did talk to a professional once about you and similar to your therapist, I was told to just have the safest, healthiest relationship that made sense to me. That I wasn't responsible for my mother's happiness (or lack thereof) with the relationship. Both my parents grew up in complicated families with their own issues and they didn't have healthy emotional relationships with their own parents giving them limited skills to form them with their own children. They had commonalities with my siblings that they bonded over that I didn't have.

I think the forming of adult relationships with our imperfect parents is interesting.  Compared to many, I had a great childhood and family but the lack of connection and feeling of being different, not fitting in as part of the family has complicated our adult relationship. Superficially we have a great relationship, she just wants something more and I don't.[/quote]

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