Reply to Tips on Dealing with DD and Nephew

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]5 year olds are boisterous and emotional, and very interested in babies. If you can't deal with that don't go. Also there's nothing wrong with "Jacks" parents taking some time off! You sound jealous. Check back in when you have a preschooler. [/quote]

I may be uneducated and unreasonable, but I am definitely not jealous. DH and I have had plenty of relief and support from his parents. I am looking for practical tips on how to get Jack to back off a little bit. He is otherwise a bright and affectionate little boy, but I don't think it's normal for him to be possessive of infant toys or to throw fits when DD is taken away for a nap. Several posters have said this isn't abnormal for 5, so I'm willing to roll with it and hover more than I'm used to hovering. [/quote]

Jack's behavior is [b]totally normal and typical[/b] for a 5 year old boy who now has a cousin AND his grandparents spend more time with the cousin than him AND his relationship with his grandparents is threatened.  He is expressing his anxiety through his actions because he doesn't have the words to say what he feels and he doesn't even know that he is having the feelings.

You've gotten some good advice from two posters about how to encourage better interactions with Jack.  Additionally, you should probably get a book or two that talks about the dynamics of new siblings -- the books don't even have to address cousins but they should give you some insight into Jack and then maybe you can pick up some tactics.

The best thing I can tell you is to be proactive.  If you know the baby needs to nurse in 30 minutes and you need privacy then it is best to set up an alternate activity for Jack.  If you know you are going to be changing the baby then maybe you can think about how Jack can "help" you by being your helper. You will need to enlist your DH's or the grandparent's help.  For the time being, you need to consider every action and how you can manage it so that Jack has a positive experience.  Because Jack is 5 and he can't do it himself.  Additionally, you might want to bring Jack his own "baby" to care for -- a stuffed animal or a play baby doll.

And beyond all else, tell Jack what he is doing well.  Not empty praise (like "you're awesome") but real, descriptive praise like "wow, you are such a good helper by getting that ball that rolled under the sofa and returning it gently to Sophia" or "good job, Jack, picking up those blocks so Grandma didn't stumble over them.  You are such a good helper!".[/quote]

Yes but why is this the OP's job?

OP, you and DH need to have a plan to take Jack back to another adult if needed. Remind DH that if his parents want to backstop his sister's parenting, fine, but thatvyou aren't an on call babysitter. Ask DH if he would be willing to give you a break for some solo time too.

Also, I have a five year old, and sometimes he gets mad and stomps off, but I have never seen him hover over a baby, including his little sister. I steer towards Jack being within the range of normal perhaps but just.

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