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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP...My therapist is female...

My problem is...I never talk ill of my MIL "just because." It is usually after a night with them, she does something or says something rude or distasteful. I point it out to DH.

Am I in the wrong?[/quote]

NP here with an awful mil.  I vent to my SIL (dh's bro's wife), but I don't say anything to dh.  There's no point. I limit my time with her.  Complaining to dh just means he either has to speak badly about his mom or defend her, neither is a good position.

When you talk to him about it, what is your goal?  If you're taking that step, it should be with a purpose.  In your shoes, I would work on limiting your exposure to her, and find other people to vent to about her behaviour.  [/quote]

OP here.

I am not bringing her bad behavior to his attention to hurt him obviously. He seems to not notice the things that she does and says that are IMO highly inappropriate and problematic. I worry he thinks they ARE ok and that makes me nervous.

[/quote]

I'm still not sure what that gets you.  You push your dh to say yes, mil said inappropriate things.  Then what?  As others have pointed out, you've gotten him to say something bad about his own mother, or forced him to defend her behaviour.  He still can't change what she said, and either way he feels crappy about it.  If you have a goal here, it should be beyond forcing your dh to acknowledge her crappiness.  If you want to reduce the amount of time you spend with her, focus on that, not getting him to agree she's annoying/sucky/a b*^ch. [/quote]

I agree. Don't make him choose sides. Save it for when it's important. Vent to someone else. Maybe get an individual therapist to help you deal with his mom. But informing him of every slight is pointless. [/quote]

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