Reply to Does vacation intensify preexisting issues, or should it make things better?

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Reply to "Does vacation intensify preexisting issues, or should it make things better?"

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[quote=Anonymous]You don't "recommend" he get counseling. You say, "We are going to couples counseling because I can't live the way we have been living this. Here is the counselor I have found--we can try this one and see if it works and find another counselor if we don't click with this person. I am going to make an appointment and expect you to show up. Let me know a couple times in the next two weeks that are workable for you."

You don't temporarily separate or threaten to do so without seriously going to marriage counseling. Come on! You have a kid! Separation is a MAJOR step and if you pose it as "temporary" he will feel no pressure to change since, after all, it is only "temporary."

Your spouse may have untreated depression. People think that depression is just moping around but when I had it, my major symptom was extreme irritability. Your spouse may be deeply unhappy and unsatisfied in his life. If this is the case, simply saying "behave better" is not going to help. Maybe he is being a dick but presumably you loved something about this man in order to father a child with him.

And you are kidding yourself if you think he is the only one who needs to change his behavior. You need to change too. You need to be much more direct and clear about specific things that need to happen and you need to follow through. Just the fact that you have "joint" accounts that you can't access speaks volumes as to how you have been acting in this relationship. Usually people choose marriage partners that are at the same emotional level as themselves. You need to take a serious look at yourself and go to individual counseling. You and your spouse are in a dynamic and if one individual unilaterally changes, that forces change in the other person.  [/quote]

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