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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Both in early 60s. My mom is a nightmare. Always has been. Good hearted but just immature and selfish. She and my dad are not compatible. He stayed for the kids and because he felt a responsibility toward my mom and us kids. My youngest sister just got married, and I think that is the catalyst for my dad realizing is done. He drunkenly shared yesterday with me that he wants to live the rest of his years in peace. Something my mother sadly affords none of us. My mother will be absolutely devastated. And in her pain and because of her personality, I worry about her attempting suicide. She has done it twice before.

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Tough one. I actually don't think your dad is being selfish. It definitely sounds like he made a lot of sacrifices staying with her (although he should take some ownership for choosing her in the first place).  I think it is worth discussing with him how likely it will be that their splitting will leave you and your siblings holding the bag in terms of elder care. He might be idealizing what his life will be like and what the consequences of his actions will be. Maybe they can come up with some sort of workable situation so at the very least they can remain in the same household. [/quote]

+1.  He has the right to do it, but you do not have to pretend away the impact it has on you.  He needs some real talk about what divorced life will be like for the whole family.

OP, can your parents afford this?  Your dad may not have an up to date understanding of the law, nor a realistic grasp on assisted loving costs.  You have every right to ask him tough questions, as you will be the one dealing with it if things go badly.[/quote]

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