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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think continuing to make suggestions about covering it is counterproductive and may make her self-conscious.  Don't let her think you are ashamed of the scar or think it needs to be hidden.  There will be time enough for that when she cares about it.[/quote]

+1  I'm the PP with the cleft-lip repair scar.  My parents never made an issue of it and I think that helped me never make an issue of it.  Also, don't assume she'll be teased for it -- I was teased for other things but never for my scar.  It just is what it is.[/quote]

OP here. Again, thanks for the feedback. Because of our experience with the surgery and normal hairstyling, I'm pretty aware of all the options available, but, to the best of my memory, I'e never brought it up to DD. I just get a lot of hair suggestions from relatives. I don't think people who haven't dealt with a scalp scar realize how tricky the hair issue can be (just like I'm sure I have a very limited understanding of a facial scar as compared to a scalp scar)

DD used to be very curious about the surgery and why she has the scar, so the story has come up, but, in those cases, maybe a total of three or four conversations in the past 3 years, she's always declined to see a doctor again. I can honestly say I  don't even think about it when I see her, I'm so used to it.

DD is really so bright and confident, in that fabulous 8 year old way before puberty hits, that I was a bit saddened when she expressed stress at the way classmates were talking about her hair. It sounded like curiosity rather than bullying, but it obviously bothered her. [b]This thing with the hat is brand new[/b]. I mean, she's always loved putting outfits together and making funky fashion choices (shorts with leggings during the winter or two different socks), but this 24 hour hat thing is new. [b]We just got the weekly photos from camp, so it was kind of a surprise.[/b] [/quote]

Hi, OP, I'm the poster with the body scars from the car accident when I was a child.  The biggest lesson I learned from my parents was that my scars are part of me and that they have helped shape me.  And they encouraged me to never hide.  So while others may always be in cover-up mode I am out and about wearing what I want to wear.  But I'm in my 50's and even now I get comments from folks who express surprise or who make comments or who ask impertinent questions or make odd suggestions.  That is why it is important to come up with some response that is so instilled that your daughter never needs to search for words--they'll just naturally come out.

I am a little concerned about the hat because it represents a change in behavior and it is a "cover-up".  You might want to check in with the camp and have someone do a little check with your daughter about it.  Explain your request as you have here and I am sure they will completely understand.  Your call probably will be the most genuinely important one they get from a parent that day!

I think you've gotten a lot of great suggestions and input from parents with your query.  FWIW I was talking with my mother the other day about my childhood and scars, etc., and it was interesting to get her adult retrospective.  There were several events that helped shape my experience into something positive.  They were events that I always have thought had happened organically...but come to find out from my mom that, indeed, there had been a lot of planning and strategy by my parents pushing/pulling me down a path that led to my great benefit.  Who knew!

It may be that when your daughter returns from camp that she may have a new attitude or ask some new questions or express some new thoughts about her hair, the scar area, etc.  So, whether you go to get a tattoo yourself and the tattoo artist (prepped ahead of time) talks to your daughter who is with you about it OR whether you start going to a new hair salon and the stylist (prepped ahead of time) when your daughter accompanies you OR whether...you get the picture...continue to be as thoughtful and reflective but also as proactive as you need to be.  You are doing a great job reaching out and questioning and considering your daughter's needs!  Your daughter sounds lovely and best wishes to her!  [/quote]

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