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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sit down with school calendar as soon as it comes out. Come up with a plan for all those days. Taking day off for dh/de and grandparents. Block those off on work calendars to prevent conflicts and so they become obvious that it's a conflict as soon as possible. Come up with policy for snow days. M/w/f - dw and t/th- dh. Or anything in dec is dh and Jan is de/grandparents (based on anticipated work business). 
I realize this is crazy planning and would annoy some but it makes it so much easier later. Plans can be altered once in place but a base plan/routine helps head off any unforeseen issues. [/quote]

OP here.  We do this but then he doesn't take off or do anything for his days so they end up back in me.  Honestly I don't think he values my job or me for  that matter.  I make about 1/4 of his salary ($100k vs. $285k)[/quote]

NP here. So you invest the time to plan together then he never follows the plan? He's committing to being available certain days, planned well in advance, and then simply says no when the time comes?

Wow. He not only dismisses and devalues your job, he also dismissed and devalues the commitments he has made to both you AND your child.

He needs a "come to Jesus" talk as the saying goes. It sounds as if you've built up a lot of resentment of his attitude and his behavior, and understandably so. This is no longer about how working spouses deal with care issues--you see that, right, OP? That's just a symptom; the deeper problem is his apparently firm belief that his job, his time, his income are all more important than yours. He may deny he believes that, but you have his actions to point to as evidence. He needs to hear that you feel jerked around and then belittled when he makes a show of doing a schedule with you then does not keep his word.

Does he find other ways to show how he is the more important person in the household? Comments about your income level, pressure to just give up your job if you can't handle that plus child care issues, lack of interest in what you do in your work? Those to me are red flags that he sees your work as a disposable hobby since he has no respect for your work schedule but expects you to respect his schedule unquestioningly.

If that sounds familiar, he needs to hear it. Don't talk when he's got to get to bed "because I have a long work day tomorrow" or when he's going to claim, "I want to unwind after my work week so we can't discuss this now" etc. Use examples and phrases like, "When you do/say X, I feel/think Y." Don't let the discussion peter out; it should end only after some actions are scheduled (like, he commits to covering on a specific upcoming day your child has an event when you have a deadline or whatever). If he blows it off when the time actually comes, then I'd be telling him that couples counseling is non-negotiable because of the problem with respect in your marriage.

I hope that hearing how you feel disrespected and let down will be enough to get him to follow a schedule HE agreed to.

My DH has a lot of responsibility in his job but has always worked hard to accommodate my needs or our DD's schedule. He actually wants me not to have to handle everything like half days off school etc. because he wants to be around his own child and be part of her life, and he wants me to get a break. Your DH needs to see he's pushing his wife away and losing time with his child when he thinks he's doing you both a favor by making more money than you  do.

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