Reply to Fourth Grade DD -- how to instill gratitude and tone down sass/back talk

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[quote=Anonymous]Two issues:

(1) Gratitude for what you do for her and for what she has;

and

(2) Being a polite and respectful member of the family.

The first (gratitude) is a harder one to achieve in a 10 year old.  Lots of great ideas above about how to plant the seeds to cultivate it.  But you can't "guilt" a 10 year old into feeling grateful.  They just get defensive and resentful.  Which I get.

Gratitude is something that should flow freely, not because someone demands it.  So step back on the criticism there ("You don't appreciate X, Y and Z!!") and focus on the positive -- notice when DD DOES express appreciation or says thank you etc.  And be sure to model the same.

Also, I love the daily practice of "gratitude of 3's" above.  That helps kids learn to feel gratitude independently.  Not just to soothe a parent's hurt feelings (not being appreciated.)

However . . . .

Separate from gratitude, DD is responsible for communicating her feelings politely and with respect.  She may not appreciate things she's given, but it's not ok to be rude.  Same goes for you and any other adults in the house.  It's ok to have negative feelings (anger, impatience, frustration etc.), but it's not ok to express them in a rude/sassy/back talk-y way.

There's a different thread going about this right now, I think.  Scroll through for other ideas (including the book "How to Talk So Kids Listen, and How to Listen So Kids Talk."
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