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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hey!  I'm so sorry that life has become this taxing.  Personal experience tells me that your husband may partially be struggling with just the part of being the provider, as his role as husband.  There is a really good program called "Financial Peace University" by Dave Ramsey that my husband and I have been doing that has seemed to bring a big change in my husband since we began.  The program breaks down how to set small financial goals and then bigger ones as you reach the smaller goals.  I never realized just how taxing finances and the mentality of being the "Bread winner" was on my husband until we started to take this financial journey together.  It was hard to get us on the same page all together with it.  I had to take on the main role of doing the finances because it was messy before it got better.  Communicating about the messy parts seemed to bring my husband stress, so in the beginning of the goal setting I would share as little as possible about the process until we were to the point where we were seeing goals reached.  Once we began to pay off one debt after another, I shared more with him and then he got more excited.  It wasn't that he did not want to set goals, it was more that he was just bogged down with just all of the effort of providing for the family and things never seeming to be quite enough for us to do all of the things we'd dreamed of.  We still have some debt to pay, but we have paid off half of our debtors and are still going.  We have money saved and we just took our first couples vacation since our honeymoon.  These are things that most likely wouldn't have happened if we had not have taken our finances under control and worked as a team.  Having some goals reached, freed up some of the resistance that my husband felt toward doing things that we had wanted to do.

Here is an article that your husband may find helpful about reaching goals: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/media/focus-on-the-family-commentary/dont-quit-too-soon?refcd=377001&nosplash=1&utm_source=forums&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=forums2016

And a book that I personally found helpful on the power of your thought life and how to approach the renewal of your mind is "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer.

If the two of you continue to have difficulty concerning setting and reaching goals as a family, perhaps you could consider seeing a couples counselor to help the two of you communicate through things.  Here is a number that you can call for counseling and referrals:  FOTF Counseling Line (855) 382-5433

Praying that things get better for you and your family's circumstances.
 [/quote]

Thank you for this! I've heard of Dave Ramsey and will look into the program. It will be nice to have a structure and something to work toward as a team that doesn't automatically mean expenditures. FWIW my husband is not the breadwinner; we contribute just about equally. Some years my income is a little higher than his, and some years his is higher than mine, but the difference is never much. Honestly I've probably been the "breadwinner" more years than he has, but the difference is so marginal I don't really think about it. The advice to consider a financial program still applies, of course, and he may still feel pressure to provide for our family even though he is definitely not our sole financial provider. Thank you for these ideas![/quote]

I wanted more out of life than DH amd these things take money. Wishes don't make things happen.  My DH can't ever get out of his comfort zone, so this more wasn't goung to happen as a result of his efforts. I then figured out a way to shift my career and make more money to get what I want. At this point he's just a passenger paying for a ticket on my ride. Life is too short to wait around on unmotivated people.[/quote]

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