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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm in an extremely similar situation. Most of the people replying don't seem to get it. My mom calls me MAYBE once a year, and it hurts. I've brought it to her attention few years ago, and while she made an small attempt to be better, nothing really changed. I stopped calling her, and as a result, I never hear from her. My mom is also seemingly warm in person...that's not the issue. All the people who are saying she's not mean so get over it or that you not having enough sympathy or being too dramatic are blaming you, and I'm guessing, only furthering your worst feelings. Someone doesn't have to be mean to be hurtful. You're not being dramatic by expressing your pain and trying to find a solution that helps you keep your sanity.

It hurts when we've made our needs known to someone who claims to love us, yet they show no effort to alleviate that pain. I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how painful and crazy making it is. I understand why cutting her out is an option, even though that's not what you want. I, too, am tired of pretending everything is fine, when I've already made it known that it isn't. I'm still in the middle of my situation and am light on productive advice. I can only share what I'm doing. First, I came to the realization that my mom loves the IDEA of me more than actually loving me. Second, I wrote her an extremely honest and long letter detailing all the reasons I came to the above realization but have yet to send it to her. I'm still trying to decide if sending it is the overall best and most healthy thing to do. Third, I'm done calling. I don't have kids, so that's not as complicated of a decision for me as it is for you. After forty years, I just couldn't keep investing in someone who has passively let me know that a close relationship just isn't that important to her. I have two quotes I keep close to my heart, maybe they'll be of some help to you, too.

Go where you're celebrated, not merely tolerated.

Home is not where you live but where you're understood. (I change the concept of home to the concept of family.)

I hope this is helpful to you, and I wish you the best.[/quote]

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