Reply to Shared custody of an infant-coparents on good terms

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

OP here. I think you are the same poster that was concerned about other family member being prioritized over the dad in my situation. It seems like you have an ax to grind regarding moms getting more custody/keeping dads away, but that's not really relevant to my situation. The father in my case has had a chance to be with the baby since birth and his parenting abilities are not in question. And in our case Mom (which is me) is not trying to keep dad away from the baby or gouge dad for child support. Perhaps start your own thread the discuss this issue?

To the PP who stated a [b]baby can only have one "primary caregiver,"[/b] I will look into this more and discuss with our doctor.

Also for the PP who suggested dad find childcare for his residence while he is working, that might be an option for the future but for right now we both feel most comfortable with my family member providing childcare while the baby is so young.

To the other pps who have contributed, thank you! I especially appreciate the contribution from the previous poster who shared their experience sharing custody of a 10 month old. [/quote]

I'm the PP who shared custody of a 10mo (and now an almost 3rd grader), and I don't think there can just be one primary caregiver. I think babies can, and will, bond to more than one. I would make sure (to the extent that you can - you also have to give up control when baby is with dad) that DAD is doing the caregiving, and that he doesn't have family doing all of it for him. I am not amicable with my ex, and sometimes things are very difficult - he tells the child how much he dislikes me for example.

I also highly recommend having a formal custody/visitation plan filed with the court, and a child support order. You don't have to follow the custody/visitation order exactly once its on file, but it protects BOTH parents of the child. It makes sure that neither of you can abduct the child (I know it feels unlikely), and it ensures that there is an enforcement mechanism for if either of you violates the agreement. You don't have to lawyer up and make it complicated and expensive - it can be done with a mediator, and it can be simple and amicable. When broaching the subject, be sure to say that it protects BOTH of you - its important to have that protection. Otherwise, he can just decide to move to texas with the baby one day, and then you have an interstate custody battle on your hands, and no order saying that he can't do that. Or vice versa. [/quote]

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