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[quote=Anonymous]1.  We both 'help' to keep it going.  We 'help' each other.   That doesn't mean either of us is more responsible than the other to make it happen.  Maybe if you weren't so focused on the fact that you have to 'do it all' you wouldn't be so offended.   Help doesn't imply that it's your job and I am doing you a favor.

2.  Clean dishes are a zero sum game.  Show me a dirty fork (or actually I will look on my own while I am unloading) if one of us finds one, maybe we can talk about the 'right' way to load the dishwasher.  Don't watch me load the dishwasher, then claim that I am not doing it the right way, then claim that you get no support and come up with some silly cartoon to illustrate it.

3.  Yes.  ASK ME.  Just like I will ASK YOU.   Can you grab XXX on the way home?   Sure.  Happy to.   It could be either of us asking or either of us running the errand.   If you choose to not ask, you give up the right to be bitter because you have to do it on your own.  At that point you can fall back into your cycle of feeling like you are doing it all on your own.

Running a home is a ledger account with many, many entries.  I would suggest before you invent terms like 'invisible labor' maybe you should invent terms like 'invisible accountant' or 'invisible investment advisory'.  There are likely things that your spouse does that he or she feels they do on their own.   You are in it together.  If you feel like somebody isn't pulling their load, maybe talk with them about it and get their perspective.

Finally, yes - if somebody works 60+ hours a week and makes 80% or more of the money, they should get some slack on the chores.   That slides in either direction, man or woman.  If I brought home 20% and worked 20 hours a week, you'd better believe that I would feel responsibility to do more to keep the household moving.

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