Reply to Discussion with Father About Behavior Toward Future Grandchild Based on Past Behavior

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[quote=Anonymous]My mom's father was horribly abusive to her - as you describe, though it started in her tweens. She had a blanket rule that he was never to be alone with any of her kids, ever. Once when I was about 5, they were visiting and we were at a restaurant. I was acting out, and grandfather reached across the table and backhanded me in the face. My mom picked me up and walked out. My dad, according to him, looked my grandfather in the eye and said, "Don't ever put a hand on my wife or kids again" and picked up my infant brother and walked out. According to him, my grandfather didn't see anything wrong with what he did. They visited a lot less than my other grandparents after that and were never allowed to stay in the house. My grandmother died first and now my grandfather lives alone, down the street from my mom. He's not been violent since that day when I was ( as far as I know, but I'd never leave my kids alone with him.

My husband's father, on the other hand, was violent with him as a child. He did two tours in Vietnam and came back with pretty bad PTSD. He finally went to therapy when. My husband was like 25 and is basically a different person now (20 years post therapy). He owned his treatment of DH and his mom and has worked really hard to recover from his traumatic experiences as a young man. He is gentle and kind and empathetic and DH and I have never had concerns with letting DD spend time with him. [/quote]

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