Reply to I can't stand my 10 year old. Love her but hate being her Mom.

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Reply to "I can't stand my 10 year old. Love her but hate being her Mom."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I am glad if my long post is found useful, sometimes I write it for my own sake more than anything. My DS is, for the most part nicest teen(now almost adult), so polite, and model student, that even his teachers didn't believe me he has severe anxiety.  But, at home, there were many, many episodes of anger, frustration, it took a long while for me to learn to be calm, to tell him that I know he is only saying these things because he can't tell anybody else when they upset him, at school, sports. I don't know how I navigated, I learned early on that only positive reinforcement works, I keep calm as much as I can.  I am not perfect, I will apologize if I overreact to something. But, I will not allow him to take his anger on his younger sibling. I wish I could have more useful advice, but I just take it day to day, even now. One day in the car, he was telling me how he doesn't want anybody to know about it, because he is not a freak, and I just reassured him that everybody has their own struggles, some similar some much different, and he once told me recently, that he has to make himself look people in the eye, and it is hard for him... You can imagine how that feels for a parent. But, I digress, maybe the best thing I ever did was to let go of trying to fully fix him, to accept that he will do badly on SAT because of the crowd, that he didn't want special accommodations because it was embarrassing to him. What I did at an early age, was to push him to do things, little pushes, little at the time.  I insisted that he orders food in a restaurant, even that was hard, that he goes on his own to places, that he invites other kids even when it is hard.  I would send him to the grocery store to buy a couple of things on his own, later on when he started to drive, which he loves, I sent him to sport's competitions alone, I booked him a bed and breakfast since hotels wouldn't allow it. I sent him to our place in a different state on his own. I wish you best of luck and sending you hugs.  And to add to pp suggesting to post this on Special Needs, I am there often, but don't want to generalize too much, and yes, it is like a hidden disease.  Even my FIL, his grandpa, who knows he has anxieties, tells me how my DS is messed up, this in reference to him being mean to his sister and not having a girlfriend and how all he needs to get normal is ...you know what... people do not understand at all, and people can be real jerks about it, in our case, even the closest family. Anyway, sorry about the long post again.[/quote]

PP here who asked for more details.  Thanks for sharing this.  I also try to push my son (gently) to do things that are scarier for him. Normally the "bigger" things like going to camp for 10 days in the summer are okay.  The issue are the "little" things that I feel should be easier, like getting in the shower when no one is upstairs, seem impossible and devolve into a screaming/crying match.  I know I need to be more patient and understanding, but there are times it's exhausting.  Thanks again for sharing, and I'm glad to hear that your son has come so far.[/quote]

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