Reply to I can't stand my 10 year old. Love her but hate being her Mom.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a mom of a high anxiety teen, and it is tough.  Is your DD aggressive/or difficult in school or with people other than your and her brother? The worst thing you can do is to punish a child with severe anxiety, it causes more damage than anything else. They really can't help it, they either withdraw or explode at those they feel safe with. I recommend you learn as much as you can about anxiety as it is hard to understand for people who don't have it. For example, what you think is an everyday situation might seem like a war zone to her.  Watch her when you enter a supermarket or school, there might be observing of everything and perceiving every person as a threat, like a soldier in a war zone. Or any smallest criticism is like a hit with a sledge hammer and reaction is out of proportion.  My DS can't tell anybody that he has social anxiety, literary can't. On top of it, kids with anxieties are very observant or other's emotions and worried about hurting others(apart from those closest to them, my DS is a nightmare to his sister, and he knows it, he says he wants to stop but doesn't know how.)  I had to work with him so much on this, and he knew that it is not acceptable, that was the only situation where the line is drawn, because we can't be hostages in our home because of his anxiety. He is not violent, apart from a couple of outburst where I stopped it and told him to go out.  It is like a tidal wave when they feel threatened and then remorse over it as kids with anxiety will punish themselves more over their outburst than we ever can. I recommend you ask for Buspar and another SSRI to see what works.  Prozac was not a good option for my DS, Lexapro was better but he was so happy that he wouldn't do any school work or giddy with happiness, maybe it will work for your DD? All in all, people don't understand severe anxiety, it is hard on the patient and possibly just as hard on the people nearest to them. At 18 my DS finally is starting to feel more comfortable, it takes years and years or reassuring them that you are always there for them, that nothing is too small or embarrassing to reach to you about, telling them that no matter what they do you will always be there and they can live in your house forever, because they worry about 20 years from now, no joke. I don't know if this is helpful with your DD, but these are the things that we are going through and I hope that it might help you at least a little bit. Sending you hugs and maybe it is a comfort that you are not alone, and that some people do understand what you re going through.[/quote]

Thank you so much for sharing this.  I'm the mother of a 10 yo boy with ADHD and anxiety.  Can you share more about how you supported your son during his teen years and how you kept your sanity doing it?  I'm just so exhausted from the demands of my son due to his anxiety.  Sleeping, taking a shower, going to events, and other "normal" activities require constantly reassurance and energy.  How have you navigated this?[/quote]

You might try posting in the Special Needs forum as many of us there are going through this.  It's so hard to have a highly anxious child and it impacts the entire family dynamic!  I often think of it as a "hidden disease" because outside our house others may not know that our DS has such struggles.  [/quote]

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