Reply to Separated and not yet ex DH is bringing girlfriend to kids events--can this be stopped?

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Reply to "Separated and not yet ex DH is bringing girlfriend to kids events--can this be stopped?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have been separated from my ex-DH for a year but we are not yet divorced. He cheated and wanted to end the marriage. He is now bringing a brand new gf (not even 6 weeks) around the children; having sleepovers when the kids are with him; bringing her to events where I will be etc. Can this be stopped since he's not yet my EXDH and we have very small children?[/quote]

Sorry but you can't control him anymore. [/quote]

Yes she can control who is around her children. [/quote]

Not really. She can control who is ALONE with her children - other than their father - by putting a right of first refusal clause into the parenting agreement. We have one. If my ex wants to get a babysitter for any damn thing, he is required by our agreement to ask me first before contacting any. I am likewise required to offer that time with DD to him before anyone else. We are both remarried and do not adhere to it if, for example, I have to work until 7pm and send my husband to pick DD up from school instead of me. But when my ex went on a business trip for a week during his time, he offered to let DD stay with me instead of staying at his house with her stepmom, per our agreement.

You can TRY to get sleepovers prohibited, but in my experience, that may not be particularly meaningful. When DH and I were dating, I was not comfortable with him sleeping over when DD was with me, and functionally, the way that it worked after they met and we were spending time together as a unit was that we would do something with her and then go home and she'd go to bed, he and I would watch a movie and then he'd drive home. More than a few times, she woke up in the morning and was like, "Where did he go?" But we had been together for 6 months before we even got to THAT point. It's definitely different with shorter term relationships.

But realistically, what her ex does and who he sees when the kids are with him isn't something that she can really control beyond a few ground rules.[/quote]

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