Reply to Rant re DH's family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry, I'm confused about a few things:
-could DH's family contributed to college and were holding back? It sounds like they went through tough times financially and couldn't pay the bill.  If that's so, then I wouldn't hold resentment against his parents for not paying for his college.
- It wasn't appropriate for his parent to call you and ask you to pay off his loans.  Were you married at the time?  If you were married, it's a reasonable decision for couples to decide to pay off all outstanding student loans together, regardless of what his family said.
- Is there more[/quote]

They couldn't have right then.  They could have paid his loans later, once the financial situation has stabilized.  [b]His siblings basically threatened to cut off all contact with the family unless their tuition got paid - it got paid.  [/b]DH never did this and his tuition never got paid.

[b]We were married. [/b] But my problem is that I still feel that I took on what was essentially his parents' obligation.

Yeah, I basically feel that his family always viewed me as a cash cow.[/quote]

If you were married, you were basically declaring yourselves an independent household unit.  That is more how things work in America, especially among families that aren't rich.  And, in general, student loans are the obligation of the student, not the parents.

Now, what the siblings did was really shitty, and if you never trust them because of that, I can kind of see it.  What does your DH say, though?  Has he forgiven them?  Lots of people make dumb mistakes when they are young and then grow up to be decent people.

You're going to have to find a way to be around them--minimally, but still.  I might ask DH to schedule alternative times to major holidays as much as possible though.  It's ok to want Christmas in your own home, for instance.[/quote]

DH is willing to let bygones be bygones. I sort of get it because these people are his family and I gather they get along better now than they ever did. [b]I can't do the same because I am not related to them [/b]and all they ever did for years is treat me badly.[/quote]

You don't view your in-laws as family?  I can't imagine why they haven't warned up to you, it really is a mystery.  [/quote]

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