Reply to Is a push/grab worth leaving fiance?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You say that he has been trying to approach you since the incident and that you have not been receptive. I think it's important to recognize the difference between someone who reacts badly from a place of anger and stress who regrets that reaction and someone who takes their frustration out on you without regret. Obviously, abusers can demonstrate regret, but in the incident you describe, you are both exhausted from sleep deprivation, were having a disagreement about that, you raised your voice, he pushed/grabbed you in response, and now that he's trying to talk to you, you're ignoring him.

It doesn't sound like either one of you is in a great place right now. Any chance you can try to get some rest and hit a reset button and have a conversation about how to manage high emotions at a time when emotions aren't running high? I don't know that leaving is the answer at this point, but I do think it's time for a conversation about stress management.[/quote]

This is terrible advice.  The cycle of abuse and regret is a classic part of the abusive cycle.  OP is refusing to discuss because there is nothing to discuss. There is no excuse for the several forms of abuse she mentioned (pushing, putting hole in wall, throwing objects, etc.)

Others who blame OP for not stopping in the argument or not talking to DH or being sleep deprived or even being abusive herself by yelling are just blaming the victim.  There is no excuse for abuse.  I don't care how much someone is yelling at me, I am not going to hit them or physically touch them, because that is not an appropriate way to handle conflict.

OP, please go to loveisrespect.org for some good advice on abuse in relationships. [/quote]

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