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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, disengage from being a people pleaser. If she throws a tantrum, so what, if that's what it takes to put it on a level playing field. And if I understand correctly,  let her go to high school reunion instead of confirmation. Not only is reunion more important,  but it is a good way to disengage and have the credit in your account.  Let it go and stop giving what you're not getting.[/quote]

won't argue if a reunion is more important than a family event with precedent or about getting credit in our account - we moved our wedding date and rather than being gracious she told us, "well, you had no choice because I had to be there."  Really appreciate the advice to stop being a people pleaser.  Clearly I expect reciprocity and it is not going to happen.  [/quote]

NP. You keep talking about how you moved your wedding date which indicates that you are still bothered by it.  Do you think this somehow means she should be indebted to you and make more of an effort to attend your family's events?  She has made it clear that your family is not a priority for her.  Not sure why you would expect reciprocity when it has never actually happened.  It sucks but you can't change it.  You also seem to hold the opinion that a reunion isn't as important as your family event, but that's not really your call to make.  SIL does get to decide what is important to her and how she'll spend her time.  You can't expect her to have the same priorities as you and DH, regardless of whether there is precedence.[/quote]

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