Reply to DH doesn't believe in Grand Gestures

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Married almost 20 years here, happily married.  I'm just going to make some sweeping generalizations, so get ready.  In general:

Men don't think that way.  Stop expecting your DH to read your mind and know what you want, and imagine what it's like to be you and dealing with all the stuff that you have to deal with.  If he could do that, he'd be your girlfriend, not your DH.

Tell him what you want.  NOT "I want to you fill up the gas tank for me every now and then." But "Honey, can you fill up the gas tank?"  
NOT "You didn't get me anything for Mother's Day." but "Honey, Sunday May 12 is Mother's Day, and since the kids are too little, I need you to make me pancakes.  And a cute card from the kids"  or "I'd like a silver necklace from X store."

Ok sure, not as romantic.  But realistic.  And the road you are starting to go down in your OP is not going to lead anywhere but to disappointment.

And then when you ask him to do something specific, he does it, be happy![/quote]

NP here. Married 13 years. It would be a slow death for me if I had to spell out for my husband on a weekly basis how I need him to be thoughtful. What's the point of that?

A few years into our marriage, I succeeded in "making" my husband more thoughtful. I was able to genuinely and thoroughly communicate my expectations over the course of several conversations, both in and out of marital counseling. He was able to see how sincerely important it was to me, and he made being thoughtful important to himself. Similarly, I've been receptive to other things that are important to him. Something must have stuck because he kept it up all through the baby and little kid years and still hasn't regressed.

OP, he can change. [b]He just has to be the kind of partner who is interested in supporting his spouse's needs[/b]. [b]It will always help if he feels his needs are being met, too[/b].[/quote]

This is exactly it. My DH wasn't doing any of the "love gestures" that I really wanted from him, so we sat down and talked multiple times (at home and in marriage counseling) and I explained very carefully to him how it made me feel when he didn't do these small gestures. He's much better now, but we've only been married 5 years and are a work in progress! One thing that helps is to point out in the moment what you would like changed. He's changing his oil? It would mean so much to you if he would do yours as well.
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