Reply to Does it baffle you that your spouse came from your ILs?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Does it baffle you that your spouse came from your ILs?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No, it makes total sense. He has his father's gentle nature, patience, and sense of duty. His stoicism/lack of sharing is a reaction to his mother's gregarious, small town, wants to know your business personality. [/quote]

This!  We are not only a product of our parents, we are also a subconscious REACTION to them, even if we love our parents very much or don't spend much time thinking about how we are different.

You're taking your MILs traits and your husband's traits at face value, you can't connect the two dots and you find it confusing.  It's not.  It is just more complex than you understand.[/quote]

Love this theory! My in-laws are chaotic people pleasers but my husband is patient, level-headed, and decisive. I always wondered how he turned out so well but now it all makes sense.[/quote]

Yes, I am the first PP. My husband learned early on that the more personal info he gives, the more his mother will dissect it with her friends. She's a good person and he loves her, but he is wary of sharing personal information and emotion. It's actually the biggest issue in our (happy, functional) marriage - communication. His mother talks endlessly, and is the gossipiest person I know. I know it is partially his innate personality to be a bit closed off, but I see the yin and yang in he and his mom. She loves me because she's heard more about what's going on in his life since I came into it than she has ever heard since he left home. Every tidbit he shares with her (got a new boss at work, friend got engaged, whatever) leads to a barrage of questions, advice, and stories.[/quote]

NP.  Similar dynamic with my DH and his mother, except that his mother uses the info he shares with her against him or uses it to manipulate a situation to get something that she wants, which is why my DH is so closed off with her. When she gets nowhere with him, she turns to me to pump me for info, but I don't play along.  I'm pleasant and polite and will chat with her about most things, but when she starts with the pointed questions, I get very vague.  I'm not going to give her any ammo to use against DH, me or our kids. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics