Reply to my daughter and i have a terrible relationship

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[quote=Anonymous]Not all pairs of people will get along well enough to have a good relationship. Sometimes even parents and children just don't mesh, in which case polite/civil might be the best you can hope for. It takes two people to have a relationship, and if your DD isn't interested right now, doesn't like you right now, or doesn't currently have the capacity for a deep and fulfilling interpersonal relationship, there's only so much you can do on your own as one-half of the relationship.

That said, I think it's reasonable to say that ending the fighting is on you. It takes two people to have a fight/argument. Something I told my kids since they were quite young, and a standard to which all members of the family are held except in serious extenuating circumstances, is "You are the only one who can control your behavior, and sometimes your behavior is the only thing about a situation that you can control." If you want the fighting with your DD to stop, figure out how to stop your part in the fighting. She cannot (effectively) fight with herself without your engagement, and if she somehow figures out a way to have a one-sided argument you can most likely leave the situation.

Resolve to take deep breaths before you blurt out anything if the situation is getting tense, leave and go for a walk, have a set phrase that stops conversation on the issue until everyone is calm, write letters, text or email her about hot-button issues instead of talking, basically anything you think will be effective at changing the dynamic of getting into a high-emotion situation and saying things in the heat of the moment that don't help and maybe aren't even what you would have preferred to say.

Should DD be mature enough to do her part to end the fighting? Yes, absolutely. But she has shown that she won't. It's not her priority right now. So if you want something to change, you are going to have to change it by changing your part in it.

Good luck.[/quote]

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