Reply to Husband created sexless marriage. Now sort of back. I can't deal.

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[quote=Anonymous]Therapy.  You need to go to therapy together and discuss this.

You are both right in a way and both wrong in a way, but even if you recognize that intellectually, it's going to be hard for either of you to get beyond it emotionally without a lot of work and a sense that the other person is also doing some work.  You are both going to have to give a little.

You need to understand that he genuinely felt sick and perhaps literally wasn't able to handle physical intimacy of any type at that time.  It probably would have been good to go to therapy then, but that's water under the bridge.  He was sick (or feels he was) and was not able to do it.  He feels like he tried and was rejected and perhaps felt vulnerable when he did reach out and try, so the rejection is worse than it would have otherwise been.

He needs to understand that you have needs, too.  You can't just flip a switch on and off at his whim.  You went without for a period while he was sick, and now you may need a period without (not because you're sick but because you're coming to terms with a new arrangement that involves an interest from him in intimacy).  If he expects you to "give a little" while he's sick, then he needs to do the same for you.  (But you need to be working on trying to become comfortable with intimacy with him now -- and in order to do that, you need to be able to trust that he won't abandon you again.  You are both feeling vulnerable and can't trust each other.  Therapy and work will help with this.)

An open marriage seems like an easy answer but is probably only going to make things a lot worse and ultimately will end up in resentment and separation between you two.[/quote]

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