Reply to Negative feelings about ILs

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Dh needs to grow up.  Adoption or not, those are his parents.  And, for your kids sake you need to as well and make an effort.  You reject them, your kids will reject you at that same stage of life.  You are setting an example for your kids.  Better set a good one.[/quote]

Well, DH does in fact honor his parents. But privately, he has his conflicted, disconnected feelings, as many adopted children do. And did you read? We DO make the efforts and set a good example. But I can't help these negative feelings. That's what I'm writing about, are the feelings. Not what we are or are not doing.

As for my old age, I do hope to have a different kind of relationship with my kids. I hope our relationships will be stronger and more genuine. I hope my kids won't feel mostly guilt and obligation toward me.

[/quote]

No, its not how many "adopted children feel."  And, as a parent through adoption, my child is very connected to us.  He sounds very selfish if they loved him and gave him a good life and you sound even more selfish for feeding off his negativity and creating a hostile relationship, especially for your kids.  When my MIL got ill, granted she was not the best mom and my husband felt conflicted, I told him it was our responsibility to deal with it and take care of her.  Our kids see everything, including how we treat her.  Your kids see the same.  It will come back to bite you later on.[/quote]

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