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[quote=Anonymous]I knew it when I was growing up and never wanted friends to come to my house and I spent as much time as I could at other peoples' houses. They made every little thing into a huge deal and they were the ultimate helicopter parents. They still are. My mom today came to my son's game and the first thing she asked me was whether I thanked my aunt for a gift she gave DS. I'm 36. Growing up I just didn't have any room to breathe. Plus the yelling. There was so much yelling in that house. Even today I am still uncomfortable when I go to their house because the exact same dynamic still exists. My mom insists on attending all of DS's sports events and while I appreciate her support for him it makes the events uncomfortable because I really don't want to spend more time with her than I have to. Plus she is trying to form relationships with the parents of my kid's friends, and it's awkward when she friend requests them on Facebook. She calls/texts me during the work day when she knows I don't have my phone on me and then gets upset when I don't respond within a few hours. She'll send me passive aggressive or just plain aggressive emails, texts and voicemails. If I do happen to have my phone on me then she bombards me with calls, texts and emails about random things that she thinks are crucial for me to know and respond to right that moment.

She just doesn't understand boundaries and as a result I've put a wall up because I cherish my privacy due to not having any during childhood. She also plays the victim and is upset that we don't have the kind of relationship that other mothers and daughters do but she refuses to acknowledge that her behavior has played a part in the lack of close relationship. She feels like she's entitled to a close relationship just because she gave birth to me. When I wasn't sure if I wanted to have a child or not she called me selfish and self-indulgent if I didn't have a child.

My dad is another story. He also has an issue with boundaries and is sick of hearing my mom complain about my lack of relationship with her and every single time we see each other he tells me that I need to make more of an effort with my mom because my behavior makes her upset. He fully admits her behavior is over the top, but I'm supposed to just deal with it even if it's detrimental to my own mental and physical health. I've told him multiple times that I don't want to have the same conversation and especially not at my kid's events but he continues to do it over and over again and it changes the tone of these events.

This is very general but there have been a lot of specific incidents that have caused me to dislike them. I really thought that this kind of dysfunction was normal for a long time before I went to therapy and realized that it wasn't and I don't want my child to grow up in that dynamic. Unfortunately before I realized this I got married to someone who perpetuates a similar dynamic and is a yeller and overreacts to small things. It makes me anxious sometimes to be in my own house due to that.  I have tried to convey how I do not want our child to grow up with that kind of anxiety and he's gotten a little better but it's still there. I am really upset with my parents that they don't see how their dynamic has caused so many issues in our family. They don't understand why we're not a close-knit family like so many of their friends have. But I don't want to spend my adult life being parented and made to feel like there's something wrong with me. [/quote]

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