Reply to How to handle ex's sudden interest in the kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here is the thing, it is not about you and how you feel. If he wants to be a dad, for whatever reason, let him. It is good for the kids and it doesn't sound like he is abusive or horrible so why not? This woman has zero to do with anything. Does not matter if they marry or not. You and him had these children[/quote]

I agree that how OP feels about the situation is not the most important aspect to the situation. HOWEVER...

I do not agree that it's automatically good for the kids if a parent who has not been around suddenly wants to be very involved. I think also it does matter whether this is being driven by the new girlfriend. I would not be comfortable with my ex's new girlfriend suddenly becoming very involved in the kids' lives. Going to parent teacher conferences? Really? I do not think that is appropriate, and any parenting counselor worth the paper their degree is printed on will tell you that introduction of new romantic partners should be done thoughtfully and not too abruptly. I also think that it's not good for the kids if the new relationship ends and he suddenly decides that he wants to go back to his previous non-involvement. It's also REALLY not good for the kids for him to be trash-talking their mom.

One thing for the OP: support and vistation are different things. Yes, support factors in custody, but blatantly seeking a modification to a custody schedule in order to reduce child support is not going to go over well with a judge. If I was in your situation, I would encourage him to be involved in the kids' lives - invite him to classroom events, suggest playdates and activities, include him in decisions about camps and extracurriculars, whatever that looks like - but tell him that you're not willing to modify the schedule right now because it's important for the kids to have consistency, per your original agreement.[/quote]

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