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[quote=Anonymous]If I had to boil my advice down to one book recommendation, this would be it:

The Psychology of Parental Control: How Well-meant Parenting Backfires, by Wendy S. Grolnick

https://www.amazon.com/Psychology-Parental-Control-Well-meant-Parenting/dp/0805835415

Here's the background:

There's a TON of research out there on motivation in general and it's application to parenting/children/learning/achievement in particular.

One place to start is Self-Determination Theory.  Started up at University of Rochester many decades ago.  All backed by extensive research.  (This is not woo-woo self-help stuff.)

The focus is on differentiating between INTERNAL and EXTERNAL motivation.  (Grolnick's book uses the SDT research in a parenting context.)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-determination_theory

http://selfdeterminationtheory.org/

That body of work is related to (a foundation for?) the reserarch Carol Dweck has been doing for decades at Stanford.  All focused on the "effort effect" and how to cultivate a "growth mindset," which in turn drives sustainable achievement and true self-esteem.

Here's a good intro article on Dweck's work:

https://alumni.stanford.edu/get/page/magazine/article/?article_id=32124

Her book is also excellent:  https://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck/dp/0345472322

Finally, the Habits of Mind curriculum developed from Dweck's work and SDT.  Our school district has integrated it into the curriculum from K-12 (which is how I learned about all of this.)

The Habits of Mind approach is about helping kids (and adults!) cultivate productive learning BEHAVIORS and MINDSETS.  Basically, ways to approach school/life that gives them autonomy and motivates genuine internal effort.

List/visual of the 16 Habits of Mind:

https://78462f86-a-cdd5dada-s-sites.googlegroups.com/a/digitalhomeroom.org/www/habits-of-mind/Habits%20of%20Mind%20Chart.jpg?attachauth=ANoY7cpXK1rGqEhYZEoqiK6XN0qQQ2JiWZ4CkP_xjsHKmTDkhamequ4rC-t6MpDeMyn6j-ybKBt84LdLGvEZrBgGSr00qluALWdIHQ3ra7sP8N8-970AiJfOl7TSNgUgpmoe4Qwsf2o5I8DA9wDCxDgvu4t4GcFf69e5q0d8CVPtbgrTCkoApw-PnW4ExAWLkPRwpAvhDanvmXvIPxrf3f1HU5dNBSQKdmgwP_a8y0D3TDaQYo-N3HNeqXkKm2zJ5OK59rm0NsaR&attredirects=0

Excellent book on the subject (and good summary of it):

http://www.ascd.org/publications/books/108008/chapters/Describing-the-Habits-of-Mind.aspx

There's also a TON of good stuff on line about the Habits of Mind -- including, I'm sure, how to develop/cultivate these mindsets and behaviors at any age and through any activity.

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