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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry there's been such a shift in how he speaks to you... but at some point don't you have to just say to your older kids,  "Is something bothering you?  I thought we were on the same team.  I wish you would speak to me more respectfully."  Or to say "Do I speak to you like that? Then, please speak to me with the same respect I give you."  But that also means you have to be a respectful parent, otherwise that last one won't work.

It seems like, and I only have young kids and using my recollection of being a teenager, that had my parents punished me for being rude or dramatic, I would have been a lot more rebellious than I was.  Like all stages, I think this will pass.[/quote]

I think showing him how baffled you are by his behavior is okay. "[Nickname], what's going on?" And, listen.

It reminds me of how DD would get wildly upset about something and I had to remind her to "use her words" (cringe, I know). "Just let me know what you need, kiddo. I'm right here."

I also think that giving more---upping his allowance AND giving more responsibilities---might help. He's trying to break into independence, so give him some. Real independence comes with responsibilities, so picking up some milk on the way home from work or filling the gas tank are things he can now do to earn the extra money.

My mom let me stay home a few times in junior high, and we went out shopping instead of going to school. Great memories. I was a good kid overall, but mouthy. I can say that now that I'm on the receiving end with DD!! I've let DS stay up late and watch action films or play video games. He'll bring these moments up sometimes, so I know he treasures them as much as I do. Your young man is about to leave home. I hope you find a way to connect. It's not about being right or in charge. It's about maintaining a connection.

He sounds like a good kid who's giving you a hard time. In this, you're lucky. I hope you find your way. GL![/quote]

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