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Reply to "What to do about my rude teen?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]1. Senioritis seems to have arrived. 2. When people are about to separate from others, they tend to push them away so they won't miss them. Sounds like he's preparing to leave home (for college?). 3. I rarely just give "no." So in your case, I'd have said, "No, but the Tylenol is in the spice rack if you want to take some now and bring some to school with you." 4. In a calm moment, talk to him about his behavior. "Lately you've been very snappish towards me and your disrespectfulness won't be tolerated. Is something going on that's bothering you?" Even big kids sometimes act out like little kids. 5. I do not repeat myself. I've been known to reply "Asked and answered" when I'm asked a second or third time about something I've already replied to. Think of what happened to you: he asked five or six times, you said no five or six times. He heard no five or six times. Thus, he felt like you always say no to everything. If they genuinely did not hear you, go ahead and repeat your answer. If they're asking because they're hoping for a different answer you can say "My answer hasn't changed." [/quote] Mom of 19-year-old and 14 year-old here. I agree with this approach 100%. I'll just add that IME what works best at this age is to not take things personally, as much as possible, and to talk to him like another adult, not like a child, which is what PP is suggesting in #4 above. So turn off the part of you that is appalled and hurt. Don't take it personally. Keep telling yourself it is not about you. He is off his rocker, but it really has nothing to do with you. And then later, when he is calm, talk to him like you would an adult that you have a close relationship with. If another adult that I was close to blew up at me like that, I would not demand an apology per se. I would say pretty much what PP says above: "Hey, I really didn't like the way you talked to me this morning. It was incredibly rude." Use "I" statements, not "you" statements. Give him a chance to respond in a way that's not defensive. If he says, "sorry," accept it, no matter how ungraciously it's offered. If he gets defensive or starts the tirade again, just say calmly and evenly, "This is what I am talking about. I am happy to discuss things with you, but I can't listen to that tone of voice." Give him a chance to respond calmly; if it doesn't happen, walk away. Don't get pulled into his crazy. Stay calm and above the fray. You are rubber and all this teenage crap bounces right off you.[/quote]
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