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[quote=pbraverman][quote=Anonymous]My son is 10 and in the 4th grade. He is at a good public school, but recently has said that he hates school and has refused to go a few times (very dramatic crying etc. and called from the nurses office severla times). This has been doing on for 2-3 weeks. He has lots of friends, is bright and athletic, but does have ADHD and some anxiety (but we are usually the only ones who see it). It's really hard re: trying to go to work and having school refusal. He says he hates his teachers and school, but can't tell us much else. We are taking him to therapy and he was doing great until this recent school avoidance.

We are starting to consider private school b/c it may be more "safe" and better re: class size etc. If he has an above average IQ, ADHD and some anxiety, what schools would you suggest in Maryland? We live in the Bethesda area. He is very athletic and social, so in some ways it would be harder to leave the larger social options in public, but he may just need a smaller class size. What schools might accept a kid who has this profile? He doesn't have learning disabilities and no behavior issues, but he does have ADHD (medicated) and low grade anxiety.

Thanks for reading this and for any input. It is awful to see him so upset about school. We also cannot enable any avoidance, which of course exacerbates the anxiety.

We have also missed several deadlines to schools for next year....
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There are a lot of opinions above that seem well intentioned. Some of them nonetheless offer quasi-diagnoses for which insufficient information is available and qualifications are not offered. (I presume none of those quasi-diagnoses come from somebody with qualifications, for the simple reason that a qualified professional would not offer a diagnosis under these circumstances.) The situation is hard for any parent and there are a thousand ideas — but what I think the OP needs is a [i]strategy[/i].

First, I agree that trying to understand the source of your son's anxiety is important. There are very good therapists in the area who specialize in anxiety. If the OP is happy with her (his? — I'm going to use female pronouns with apologies if that's not right) child's current clinician, stick with it. If not, and the OP wants to contact me offline (see below) I'd be happy to recommend a few who have worked with presentations of school anxiety effectively in my experience.

Second, it sounds like it might be important to have a formal diagnosis. The OP's statement that "we are usually the only ones who see" his AD/HD and anxiety, along with the affirmative statement that her son "does have ADHD ... and anxiety," makes me wonder about when it was diagnosed, what type of professional diagnosed it, who prescribed the meds, and how long ago those decisions were made. If the son is ahead of the pre-adolescence curve, or if the diagnoses are more than two or three years old, it may be time for an update, since changing body chemistry will almost certainly affect his neuro-psych profile.

Third, it's hard to predict whether smaller schools and class sizes will have much impact without visiting schools and evaluating those visits. An independent school environment may well help — or it may only obscure a challenge lurking below. In any case, admission offices will be very busy reading applications and later meeting in admission committees, but most will welcome visits in the early spring. There is no harm in contacting schools now, with the understanding that they may put you off for a few weeks.

Finally, don't be deterred by missed deadlines. Most schools in Montgomery County will have spaces available even after the March 1 notification date. Again, I'd be happy to help put together a list if the OP would find it helpful.

Hang in there, OP. School anxiety is among the issues that can flare as children enter puberty (again, I don't know if that's the case here but it wouldn't be surprising), and they usually resolve. With some clear ideas about how to proceed, it's likely your son will come through this just fine — though you're right that it may take some effort and deliberate steps on your part. He's lucky to have such a caring parent.

Peter
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Disclaimer: The anonymity here makes me uncomfortable; it's easy to be uninformed, personal, or simply mean-spirited if people don't identify themselves. For that reason, I have an account so you know whose words you're reading. I have more than 20 years' experience as a teacher and administrator in independent schools, and I hope I can be helpful to some folks. If you don't like something I've said, you're in good company — there's a long line of past students ahead of you. :) If you want to chat further, please feel free to contact me offline: peter &lt;at&gt; arcpd &lt;dot&gt; com

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