Reply to Should I just wait 18 or so years to live how I really want?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I think you're piling a lot of judgment on yourself. We women have a lot of pressure and expectations put on us.

You've been going through the toughest years of childcare. As others have said, it gets immensely easier when they get out of the baby/toddler age.

Don't assume it's a shortcoming in you if you find it tedious, draining, and unfulfilling to do the work of taking care of a baby/toddler. It is like that for a lot of us. You can love your child and be a good mom and still acknowledge that side of it.

I'm an introvert and an intellectual. I find babies adorable, but dull and tiring. I find toddlers, with all their energy and excitement over everything, to be marvelous, but their intense physical and social neediness is relentless and draining. I love my spouse, but I'd rather live alone and have more time to myself. But hey, we compromise.

I don't know why you're unhappy and lonely with your husband, but if you were ever happy together, maybe you can find your way back to it, as the pressures of having a baby/toddler begin to ease. A lot of people panic and think things are just over, not realizing they just got lost along the way.[/quote]

Agree with the pp.  I've been in your situation.  At 2, I found my kid overwhelming and much of the work of parenthood really dull-now she's 6 and we are hanging out together for the long weekend, and I am really enjoying it.  I ended up feeling really emotionally disconnected from my spouse because the work of parenthood and domesticity and working full time just left me depleted (and I always did more of the kid and household stuff).  My spouse responded to that disconnection by having an affair and asking for a divorce.  Divorce has been pretty good to me.  It was wrenching, but a couple years later, I am so much happier and my life is so much better than it was when I was married.  That said, I wish my ex and I had gone to therapy together, and that I had really advocated for what I needed in the marriage (not doing all the work, having time and space for social stuff).  Divorce is a burden on my child, and I'd rather know that I had done everything I could to have a functional marriage before putting it on her-you sound depressed, as I was, in your marriage-maybe addressing that can get you to a better place where you can either be all in or decide you need to make a break.[/quote]

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