Reply to Please wake me from this real estate nightmare, or just give me your advice!

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[quote=Anonymous]I understand your turmoil; I don't think your thought process is immature at all. You've all been traumatized by this and you want the nightmare to end. You don't want to have to worry about it happening again. Yes, you could cross a street and get hit by a bus, but I think it is human nature to try to eliminate "dangers" when we possibly can, especially if there are kids involved.

So my take on this is that your decision to stay or go is part based on fact (look, there are definitely some places where deer ticks are more prevalent. No one can deny that. So if you happen to be in a high incidence area, the question becomes what is every possible thing you can do to minimize the risk, and are you doing it) and part, a larger part, based on emotion. it's almost a form a PTSD.  You look out the window, you think Lyme disease. How many times have each of us had something bad happen to us and we say, "never again," even though the chances of it happening again may be much less than we perceive it to be or negotiable?

When it comes down to it, the facts matter less than the feels. I know a friend who was mugged in NY, on the Upper East Side. She couldn't walk down the street in her own neighborhood after that without looking over her shoulder. What are the chances she'd get mugged again, especially considering where in NYC she lives, that she had a doorman building, that she lived on a street where there was plenty of foot traffic, etc.?

She moved b/c she didn't want to live like that. Even seeing a therapist didn't help to mute the fear to the point where she decided to hell with the facts, she wasn't comfortable living in NYC anymore. She moved to a smaller, cute college town and she is as thrilled as can be. Does she miss elements of the city? Absolutely. But she feels her quality of life and peace of mind has dramatically improved.  Was it because she secretly didn't like living in the city anymore and used this as an excuse? Nope. I do not believe so.

As far as your situation, no one can give you an accurate statistic as to whether you or your kids will personally get bitten. Or your husband again for that matter.

I think when you mentioned things like "the schools are shaky" that's what is leading some people to interpret that as you just want to go back to the city and are using this as an excuse. I don't get that sense from your email. What I get is, you have had this horrible thing happen, and now you are re-evaluating everything about the move.  Things that you accepted before now loom like bigger factors. You are putting together a story, so to speak, about you and your family's life in that area.  I think that is totally normal and not impulsive.

Weigh how much you love the neighborhood and living near your parents. Weigh the financial impact. Make sure you talk to every expert about minimizing risks. Then decide as a family if there is just too much bad associated with staying there, and if it will continue to negatively impact your lives in a way that outweighs the positive.

I mean, sheesh... If I lived at the Shining and managed to escape... and after someone new bought the property, had an exorcism there, updated the decor to something more contemporary and had some of the Game of Thrones dragons protecting the place... I'm still not sure I'd want to go stay there for a "vacation" again.... [/quote]

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