Reply to Dying parent, hours away. How do you manage guilt of not being being there

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[quote=Anonymous]First, I am sorry you are dealing with this. Strong agreement with 22:11.
OP, I think some other posters are projecting their guilt on you.  This is a terrible situation, but it is not feasible for your to give up your life and responsibilities and your nuclear family to run and spend all the time with your mom. That is just unrealistic, and does no one any good.
Here is my advice--
* Decide that you will do your best and that you will not beat yourself up over not doing more than what your best is.
* Talk with your spouse to determine what is possible.  Mayb you can make a quick family trip all together, making sure to take lots of pictures etc. and then you can try to go every so often.
* Call your mother and people there frequently. Or text, or skype or facetime, or whatever. Bring your kids in, in age appropriate ways.
* Decide that you will do your best and that you will not beat yourself up over not doing more than what your best is.
* You need to just redefine your goal of being there all the time.
*You need, with your spouse, to prepare your kids in an age-appropriate way.  The best and truest advice I got when my parent was dying (and I was the primary caretaker) was that parents shouldn't project their grief onto kids.  
* Cede control to whomever the primary caretaker is.  My family did this, and it was huge.  It did not happen as smoothly the generation earlier.
* Decide that you will do your best and that you will not beat yourself up over not doing more than what your best is.
* Find an outlet for yourself during what is going to be a very sad and stressful time. Maybe it is exercise or music or something else. Hopefully it is not eating cookies or something...but if that is what you need to get through the day, then that is what you will do.
*(and for the 5th time) Decide that you will do your best and that you will not beat yourself up over not doing more than what your best is.

i'm so sorry you are dealing with this situation.
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