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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you so much for all this insight. The poster that said they need to have some skin in this is so right.
I came from a pretty large family. We paid for anything that was not a necessity. I remember getting a "real" job on my 15 th birthday and being excited to start! My siblings and I paid for our own cars, insurance, clothes, entertainment,and so on. When I talk about this with my kids, my son will say "We get it mom, you had a hard life." My reply? No we didn't. Sure it was hard sometimes but it was fun too.
Anyway I think my mistake was trying to spare them some of that. 
They both work in the summer. They really are good kids. I just hope I can turn this around.
Oh, and I didn't say anything to my DH about the Christmas incident or a few other things. I didn't want it to become him coming to the rescue. They would apologize and not really mean it. I want them to understand on their own.[/quote]

There is no excuse for the behavior, but I do remember feeling stressed in college. It pervades every aspect of life...social, living situations, studying, worrying about the future. I remember going home for holidays and wanting to do nothing but eat, sleep, watch movies and maybe catch up with some high school friends.

I think as adults (because we know what real worries are) it seems like college students have it made-- but if they have demanding majors, it's a lot of work. 
None of this is to rationalize their behavior...I think, in future, they need to have certain behavioral expectations laid out before they come home. It's much harder to deal with this situation when they are already home and fatigued from school or have their own ideas of how time at home is going to be.

I can't speak about the money and jobs without understanding how much their course load is and how long it takes them to study and keep up. I like the idea of giving them just enough to get by and expecting them to budget. If they want more or feel they need more, they work during the school for it or supplement it with summer income. [/quote]

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