Reply to Is anyone in a marriage where the DH is the default parent?

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[quote=Anonymous]I get feeling overwhelmed OP, but honest question - if your husbands not home and you have to man the fort solo, what's the worst that will happen? Do you honestly feel so incompetent that a kid will wind up dead?  Seriously - ask yourself that.

Because if it's short of that then it's good enough for a first effort.  Your goal here shouldn't be to do it well, just to do the bare minimum. Alive and not permanently maimed.  At this point everything else is gravy.

Parenting is a skill. As you get more practiced and better at it, raise the bar. But for now it's like swimming lessons - get in the pool and put your face underwater.

The single biggest step forward for you is to just not quit. Don't focus on all the things you feel you're not doing. Get one thing you CAN do and do that.  Readjust your baseline frame of reference.  Your current state is what it is. Don't compare yourself to what you think you should be because you'll just come up short which will make you feel worse. Take an honest assessment of where you *actually* are, (try hard to) give up any shame about what that is - it just is, and then movain't forward compare yourself to that.

Next time you have the kids solo success is simply not calling DH home early. Doesn't matter if you cry much of the day and the kids are plugged in.  That's still a win.

'The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step.'

Take that first step.  Don't look to where you're headed, but behind you to see the distance you cover.

You got this.[/quote]

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