Reply to Is anyone in a marriage where the DH is the default parent?

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Reply to "Is anyone in a marriage where the DH is the default parent?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I feel I'm in the same boat you are, what with feeling overwhelmed and sometimes unable to cope with everyday life. The last year and a half has been rough--DH was unemployed for nearly a year, then several weeks after he got a job, I gave birth to a baby who required long-term hospitalizations and many surgeries, on top of having a toddler and a full time job.

I get that things can be tough, and it's incredibly hard to pull yourself out of the abyss. Now that things are finally starting to settle down, I'm looking into therapy, but haven't started yet (how can I start therapy with a full time job and my baby in and out of the hospital?)

My advice to you would be to list out what all the chores are and divide them up between you two. For example, one of us showers before the kids get up and the other while they're eating breakfast. We each get one kid dressed. I pack lunches and do drop off. DH picks up kids and makes dinner. I do dishes and all laundry. He does trash and all house repairs and I do all the shopping. We alternate vacuuming/dusting, but are hiring a cleaning service to take care of that, since we don't have time to do it right.

Your schedule doesn't have to look like that. Ours is based on what is easiest for each of us (DH needs to be at work early, so can't do drop off, for example. I used to do all the cooking and he did the dishes, but he got sick of doing dishes so we swapped). You need to pick a few items that you can help with, and start doing them. Packing lunches the night before is super easy. Start doing drop offs or pick ups a few times a week. Etc.

And go see a new therapist. It sounds like you could use a fresh perspective, and it also sounds like you're still struggling with PPD. Also, I find it strange that your DH is just letting you wallow while he does all the work. My husband would be on my case every day to go see a therapist and a doctor if I was so depressed and overwhelmed that I couldn't handle literally any chore at all.

Good luck, I hope you can find your way out of the hole. [/quote]

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