Reply to Could 13 yo DD just be discovering she is trans?

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Reply to "Could 13 yo DD just be discovering she is trans?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Reply from a parent of a trans child.

1.  Agree many kids behave as if they have fluid sexual preferences but far fewer have fluid gender identity.  Maybe at 13, but not long thereafter.

2.  Agree there is enormous pressure on kids to label themselves, and they will do this with or without parental engagement so support and engagement are important. Kids who aren't sure will announce new labels after a few months, and again and again until they figure it out.  But again, I have seen this more with sexual orientation than identity.

3. Experts tell me than when a kid comes out as trans during puberty or early teen years, they rarely "change their minds."   More common to see fluidity in younger kids.

4.  Can't prove this next statement, but I think we will soon be able to show that many women previously perceived as masculine lesbians, will identify as trans in the future.  I am aware of a couple of adult women who have recently come out as trans after living their lives as adult gay women.

5.  I completely agree, however, that parent's should take a cautious approach and avoid permanent interventions as long as possible.  But at some point if a kid is consistently adamant he or she is trans, taking no action is no longer the do no harm approach.  My child knows too many trans kids who have been hospitalized for depression, attempted suicide, had to withdraw from school, etc.  imagine knowing to your core that you are one gender in your brain but on a different body.  Think of your own high school experiences -- now imagine you were the exact same person but went through high school in the body of the other gender.  Do you think the boy or girl you dated would have dated you? How would you feel wearing clothes of the other gender every day?  Walking into the bathroom for the other gender? It is like "oh cool, I am a guy sneaking a look at girls in the bathroom."  No, it's I am a guy and my masculinity is eviscersted because I must use the girls bathroom.

Generalities are fine, but there are real trans kids and often moms and dads are slow to recognize tjat feature of their own kids.  These kids have a right to as near normal high school and college experience as anyone else.  We just can't arbitrarily say x age is too young.  Honestly, it is very scary for a parent.  In some ways, it is like giving your child experimental medicines that may vastly improve his/her life but we don't yet know all the side effects.  No one ever said parenting was easy, but this is one of the hardest situations to sort out.  But for any parents out there, remember being trans is not like being diagnosed with a grave illness. If a kid is really trans and gets support and intervention, he/she can be much happier and healthy.  [/quote]

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