Reply to Giving Tree and Accepting Child with Autism may Never be Grateful

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Reply to "Giving Tree and Accepting Child with Autism may Never be Grateful"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the expectations you have, even if your child were NT and highly empathetic, are kind of unrealistic.

Very few children express gratitude to their parents on a regular basis.  I can't think of any who do.  The fantasy you relate of being thanked for taking care of your child while he/she is sick is almost laughable.

OP, really, this is not the way real children act.  It has nothing to do with HFA.  Children, real children, do not thank their parents for parenting them.

Your expectations are so over the top here that they are almost beyond belief.
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T[b]he OP does not have unrealistic expectations at all. She would like an occasional thank you, not a constant stream of praise. Way to halfway read a post and rush to the part where you get to deliver your wise advice... It's so over the top that it's almost beyond belief.[/quote][/b]

OP here. Thanks 7:14! It does seem like some people didn't read the whole post or I just didn't express myself well. The example of taking care of you when sick was clearly not an example that resonated with people. My NT does from time to time thank me for this, but as many people understood it's not about being thanked for that particular action. The pointis there is zero gratitude. There is no spontaneous "thank you." I have to instruct him to say "thank you." There is no "this meal s great." Now and then I ask and he'll say "yeah, it's good." He will always tell me if he doesn't like it which luckily happens raerely since I make what they like. Having a NT kid and being around NT kids I can tell you it is true they don't run around being thankful for everything, but there is some spontaneous gratitude and even his cousins and brother have been appalled enough to say something to him. Also, one day DH and I won't be around and he needs to learn how to ingratiate himself to people so he maintains connections. This is just one of thousands of social skills that might help him not alienate people.

Re:giving him tasks/chores. No, it doesn't increase gratitude for him. That could be a whole other post and it may just be specific to my child. Honestly, it's just that the same connections are not formed in the brain that might occur in another. It has to be programmed in if blah then blop. Rules work really well for him.[/quote]

I was the one who suggested tasks/chores. You know your child the best. It sounds like you're a great mom--I'm telling you that even if your son won't :)[/quote]

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