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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you are conflating unrelated issues.

Being unemployed sucks, but you have significant savings, so it sounds like you aren't in bad shape at all. Concentrate on finding a new job.

The unemployment situation has nothing to do with the relationship situation.

If you didn't want to marry him for so long, then I think that means you didn't want to marry him. You are second-guessing yourself now because of the unemployment and the fear that you don't have a husband -- any husband -- to fall back on. That's not really a good reason to get married because half of all marriages end in divorce and usually people end up worse off financially after a divorce. You could very well have married him and then be divorcing right now and in a worse situation financially.

Ask yourself this question: If you had a job right now, a good job, would you even be thinking of him?

It's scary because you are 41 and our society is very hard on unmarried women past the age of 40. I think that's why so many women settle for men they don't really love in their 30s. Do they end up happy? I don't think so. What usually happens is they have a kid or two and then convince themselves that their child makes all of their marriage misery worth it. They just keep telling themselves that. Some of them end up divorcing and are then single and with a child or two. They still keep reinforcing the narrative that "settling was worth it."  :thumbup: Excellent!

There's a reason a lot of people rush into marriage -- women and men alike. It's because marriage is a goal, and they know the longer they are with someone, the greater the likelihood they'll see how incompatible they are. They think that somehow getting married will magically bond them.

What usually happens is that marriage makes it more complicated and more difficult (financially) to break up.

I'm not saying marriage is bad. But marriage should not be an end goal. Too many people see it that way. Marriage should be something that a person decides to do BECAUSE they feel strongly about the partnership they have -- not because they think the only way to maintain the partnership is by tethering themselves to other people legally and financially.

If your love was strong, then not getting married wouldn't have ended the relationship.

Something wasn't right with that relationship. You're regretting things now because you're scared you won't find another person. The path forward is to find a way to be happy on your own. Once you figure that out, you're more likely to meet someone with whom you are truly compatible. And neither of you will have to be persuaded to get married. You'll see it as a natural extension of the relationship/partnership you already have.[/quote][/quote]

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