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[quote=Anonymous]
Been there, done that, although not with a sister.

First. 
Your sister *behaves* awfully, but is not awful. She's sick. She has a mental disorder. Seeing her as a person who is ill will help you find some measure of peace with what she has done in the past (same consideration for your parents). 
My mother said incredibly hurtful things to me over the years, and about my husband and children, and I nearly cut her off, but my husband persuaded me not to. Today, many years later, we are on good terms. I have understood many things about her, not the least of which is that she is mentally unstable and that extreme anxiety will set her off and make her say and do irrational and cruel things. This does not mean that she does not love us.

Second. 
Don't engage just now. If ever there is a reconciliation, it will take years, so what you're going to do is to lay the groundwork and be patient. If someone in the family contacts you about this, relay the message that you are devastated this is happening, that you feel for your sister, and that you encourage her to take time to think how best to navigate the situation, perhaps by taking a relaxing vacation without her husband, if she can. 
Sex or emotional exclusivity are not everything in life, OP. Having a comfortable home and a partner who is there in time of need, as he may continue to be, since they don't appear to hate each other, is not to be sneezed at. My aunt chose to stay with her gay husband. He fell into a diabetic coma one afternoon and she was instrumental in saving his life and bringing him to the hospital. He may very well do the same to her one day.

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