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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My 7 y/o is really difficult right now, as soon as he walks in the house from school. I do think he is holding it together so much that he needs that combustion time at home. Here are a couple of things I've done to try and restore the equilibrium....

I used to have him put his lunchbox on the kitchen counter as soon as he got his shoes/coat off. Lately, he responding really angrily so after a week of this awful back-and-forth, I've now changed my "rule" to the lunchbox needs to be on the counter before he gets a snack. This gives him a bit of time to stretch out on the floor and play, before he has to "do" anything.

I also have a younger son, and the bickering and tone from the older is just annoying. Younger DS just wants to be near and interact with big brother as soon as he gets home, but I have come to realize that big brother just needs a freaking break, so I try to keep the younger kid occupied in another room for 20 minutes or so...usually by this time the 7 y/o brings his lunchbox into the kitchen and is ready for a snack. I feel like this is giving the older kid some much needed decompression time, but also enforcing the notion that he can't just ban the little brother from playing with him because the older kid is a freaking grump.

So maybe if your DD is refusing to do something and wants you to do it, instead of saying, "do it now", it can be "No, I'm not going to do it for you. It's your job to [do the action]. If you don't want to do it now, it has to be [picked up, put away, taken out] before [the next activity, snack, dinner, homework]. It's your choice of when, but you won't be able to [next activity] until you do it." I think that's being supportive of her needs without letting her walk all over you. You're expanding the original fence/boundary a little bit, but you're keeping a boundary.

And when she talks back, just keep repeating, "I've already told you what needs to be done." And ignore the rest. You can't engage when she says, "But you do it for little brother!"

My kids will go to their room to "collect themselves", if I tell them to, but they did mindfulness in preschool on a regular basis and so they have that awareness.

I try to keep in mind that the teachers and other parents always comment about how "good" my DS is, so he's only acting out at home. Right now, I'm trying to give him space (within reason) to work through things on his own, but I do call him out on mean behavior to the younger child and/or disrespect to me. I will give one warning for unkind words/behavior and then it's up to his room until he's ready to be kind. He usually stays in his room for a couple of minutes, does some breathing or maybe reads a short book, and then comes back with an apology.

If going to her room is an escalation for your DD, then maybe use a stair step or a comfy chair that she'll sit with a book and a blanket to try and work through the emotion. I would think that you might need to do some coaching at first (other posters had good ideas about breathing and tapping fingers).

Anyway, just some things I'm trying. Maybe something will help your situation. Good luck![/quote]

Thank you! Yes, it sounds very similar. Sounds like she needs to decompress, and we should get a routine going to help her do that. It's just that our evenings are so hurried. [/quote]

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