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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I'll go out on a limb for you. I don't blame you for being angry about this---if my son (he is a preschooler, so yes, I am a DIL not a MIL) marries a woman like this, I will have to fight everything in me not to say anything---I think your DIL is being irresponsible.

But we know birds of a feather flock together.  Your son was using marijuana for a while and she helped him stop? For good.. not a single relapse?  I think its entirely possible the real deal is that they BOTH use marijuana---and each person's capacity to function has increased/decreased over the course of the relationship. Maybe two potheads got together and in order to get you off his back they portray her as someone who lives clean and wants to save your son. Maybe he did cut back\stop enough to make some good changes--but its still possible they smoke together--maybe she is now using more than he is and it's causing her to be lazy.  Or maybe she lived clean before she met him, helped him get his act together, he began to use again (but still functions) and then he got her into it and now she's a heavy pothead.

Whatever the case, I suspect any attempts by you to intervene will backfire.

No great advice, just my sympathies. If you haven't already, might help you to read the literature on codependence.

Flame away everyone! ?

[/quote]

OP here and I will chime in and say that I'm fairly certain neither of them use marijuana. Part of the reason why my son couldn't get a job was because he couldn't pass the drug test and I'm pretty sure my daughter-in-law never got into any kind of drugs. Her father had a lot of issues with drugs and died about 3 years ago from cirrhosis of the liver. She has always been very vocal about her distaste of people who drink and use different drugs. About a year into their relationship I know that she gave him an ultimatum about the pot. He confided in his brother about it and his brother mentioned it to me once several years later when I asked if his brother was still using pot. I can't see her putting up with him smoking it again. Also, I really get what everyone is saying. I'll back off and leave them be.  [/quote]

Good for you OP!  :D [/quote]

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