Reply to Lack of Sex starting to cause issues/fights

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[quote=Anonymous]I know the answer.  The problem here is this:

OP is not attracted to his wife and doesn't really want to have sex with her, but I am sure he still has a normal sex drive.  So he is taking care of himself.  But his wife will, on occasion, indicate she would like him to make a move.  Problem is he likely took a round out recently and, combined with her body and lack of enthusiasm, he can't get into it so even if he decides to placate her, he has ED.  Which makes the infrequent sex even more awkward and further emasculates him.  Imagine how he feels in the moment - lonely and emasculated with a wife who he isn't particularly attracted to.

Now imagine how she feels - she knows she is heavy and can sense her husband's lack of attraction.  And her husband isn't really trying to pursue her (why should he, he will be rejected or she will starfish).  And when he does kinda sorta give it a shot, he can't perform, understandably.  I don't blame her for suspecting an affair.

This is a toxic cycle that has to get aired out through difficult conversations.  My advice is they need to schedule one night a week for sex.  They both can get in the mood.  If sex is too painful, she can do other things, and when she does them, she needs to show some enthusiasm.  On the non-sex days, he needs to make her feel attractive and still show affection.

They are only 8 months post-partum, still somewhat early.  But they need to keep the sexual connection alive.  Marriages without sex will not survive.[/quote]

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