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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My sis and I are on different paths.  She coasted for a while after college, worked for years at a movie theater, lived at home for free or nearly free, etc.  Substantial drug use.  But she now has an office gig making around 50k.  She is 30, engaged to a guy making around 70k, and they live together.  They are trying to buy a home, and apparently she is getting a big assist with her down payment from mom.  I think 50k.  She has gone from shopping for homes around $350k to $500k.

I am mid 30s, a lawyer in biglaw.  married to a lawyer working part time at a small firm.  HHI around 400k.  We are semi-frugal but have kids to support, high child care expenses, etc.  We are doing well.  But, we are looking to move to a top school district in 2017 and don't have enough cash for a down payment yet.

I asked mom if she was going to match her gift to my sis with one to me, and she said no.  I know my financial picture is better than my sis's, but that's because I put myself through law school, work harder, have been more responsible.  Anyway, I just don't think it's right for a parent to make such a big gift to just one child.  She wouldn't get my sis nice Xmas gifts and me crappy gifts or no gifts.  She wouldn't leave my sis 60% of her estate and me 40%.

So, is this fair or unfair?  (For the record, I would never have asked for help, just wondered if I could expect something).  Would you subsidize your own kids unevenly like this?      [/quote]

Good news is, your sister will end up being the primary caregiver of your parents as they grow older.[/quote]

Sadly, it doesn't usually work that way. My parents subsidize (read: enable) my adult brother. They provide full-time childcare for his kids for free. They have cosigned or put money towards every major purchase he's made. They've also paid for multiple trips to rehab since he was a teenager. He's a very skilled contractor and can't be bothered to make minor repairs around their house. I realize they've put themselves in this position but they feel obligated to his children because they know if they set boundaries his kids will be the ones who suffer.

I love my parents very much and despite their unhealthy relationship with my brother I've managed to maintain a good relationship and decent boundaries with them. At times I'm a little bitter that my DH and I pay two very expensive daycare tuitions while my brother gets a free ride; I remind myself I like my independence. But I suffer no delusions that my brother will be repaying my parents' many kindnesses by taking care of them in their old age.[/quote]

Well, it's time to make it clear to your parents.

Their time and money? They decide

Your time and money, and your DH's? You'll decide[/quote]

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