Reply to Wife nearly died. Angry with underwhelming response from her family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband was diagnosed with cancer when we were in our early 20s. We moved to NYC for him to be treated at Sloan. Basically his family was completely MIA except for vacations they took to New York (where they expected to sleep on my studio floor for several weeks while they auditioned for Broadway shows). One SIL who was local would come over and have my husband make her dinner while he struggled with the after effects of his chemo. Nothing worked and we tried a last ditch surgery. I was totally alone when they told me my husband wasn't coming out of anesthesia and might not make it. For 12 hours I sat by myself waiting until I got the good news he had pulled through. I had to take fmla to care for him for months. I was nearly fired by my horrible supervisor who claimed people as young as My husband don't get cancer (thank goodness for fmla!). Anyway here is my advice:

(1) if you lash out they will act like you have anger management issues forever. I was fine with this but you might not be. 
(2) when your wife gets better don't be surprised if she doesn't want to ostracize your Inlaws. My husband told me he did not want to get cancer and lose his parents in the same year. I have to grind my teeth and see their ugly faces still. 
(3) remind them, lightly, over the years. It still makes them squirm and is my trump card so i use it wisely and rarely. When my SIL was angry because we did not want  to come to her engagement party across the country since DH was still recovering, I reminded her how she used us for her Broadway auditions and that her brother nearly died. She never responded. And she did end up divorced and never on Broadway.
(4) take it one day at a time.  Forgiveness is a blessing. I did not want to carry the anger with me for the rest of my life. I still think I'm a better person then my Inlaws, but I forgive them.

Pp from above- I forgive my Inlaws but that doesn't mean I like them. They however once it was all over think I'm an angel. Whatever- they know what they did and that's the guilt talking. 
My thoughts are with you friend. I hope your wife is better soon and your kids are good too. [/quote][/quote]

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