Reply to married to someone with a perfect education pedigree who has never lived up to the potential

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[quote=Anonymous]To OP:

I am married to someone I adore.  When we met twenty years ago, my spouse was a poor kid from a small town, raised by a widowed mom, educated in public schools, admitted to, and educated at, a very top Ivy league university and then graduate school, who had graduated with large student debt (over $140K).

The attributes I admired in my spouse then -- and which I continue to love today -- included their sense of humor, kindness, intelligence, patience, confidence, hard work ethic, and ambition.

Those attributes have taken my spouse far, and today we enjoy a loving and large family, and a strong and loving marriage, as well as a successful and happy career at the top of their field.  It is not important or imperative, but my spouse also earns a good salary, and we are very lucky for that.

I will say, that in our case, we often discussed, thought carefully about, and planned for - over a series of years - how we wanted both to advance our careers, and raise our family.

Constant communication about our goals, ambitions, and expectations during years four (when we had our first child) through nine (when we had our third child) of our professional careers, led to good planning, and even better decisions -- at least for us.

In year nine of our professional careers (after our student loans were paid off, and a down payment for a house secured), we admitted that our children's needs were great, and only getting more so; and significantly interfered with both our careers, to the extent we were splitting our family obligations.

Ultimately, through honest communication and evaluation, it was evident that one spouse clearly had a deeper love for their work, greater ambition, more drive, bigger goals, and - not surprisingly - as a result, much higher long-term earning potential.

Coming to that realization and conclusion together, it made sense for one of us to step back, assume basically all of the "family" work and obligations, and thus support the other in their more intense commitment to their professional obligations and career.

In short (or long in this case), communicate openly and honestly throughout your marriage about what you want, assume, and expect, so that you can best plan together to achieve your goals.

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