Reply to Do you tell the wife that her wonderful husband cheated on her for two years?

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Reply to "Do you tell the wife that her wonderful husband cheated on her for two years?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I read the whole post and one thing I don't understand is why OP (the OW) cares whether strangers think she is a stalker or not.  This guy lied to her and to his wife and presumably will continue to lie to make himself look better.

OP shouldn't care what strangers think of her.  However, if OP knows these women and is upset they think she is a crazy stalker -- then OP should have also known that this guy was married.  Something doesn't add up here.

OP, you can tell the wife or not.  She may or may not believe you -- that is her choice.  If you do tell her, simply present the information to her.  She can choose to corroborate it or not.  She can choose to stay or leave.  But don't do it with malice.  You are angry at this man who lied to you, not his wife.

You should also look at yourself and ask if there were signs that he was married that you had ignored.  If you look within yourself, you will see that perhaps you didn't want to really know the truth about him either.

It's a difficult situation.  I was the wife who was cheated on (by a man who had a separate condo and girlfriend without my knowledge).  I really didn't know.  Eventually he came clean and told me.  Looking back on it -- there were some signs.  I was glad to know the truth.  I left and am happier now.  However, I don't know whether I would have wanted someone else to tell me any earlier.

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If an unfair was happening right in front of your nose and you thought that the wife had no clue about it would you say something?  Or would you figure that it wasn't your place to tell?

I approach this from more of a philosophical angle - as in, would I want to know if I were being cheated on?  I think that, yes, I would.  But how do I know that for sure?  You've lived through it so it would be interesting to know if you would just keep your mouth shut in that situation,[/quote]

PP here again.  I did find myself in a similar situation to the OP.  I was dating again after the divorce and met a man on OKCupid.  We went out on three or four dates and he told me he was divorced.  I found out after the fourth date that he was married.  I did not sleep with him, although he made it clear that he wanted to sleep with me.  I could have anonymously told his wife via Facebook or called her and talked to her in person.  I elected not to tell her.  She had a young son and I didn't want to be responsible for breaking up their marriage.  I told the jerk that I knew he was married (he'd even used a fake name, but he accidentally let his real name slip during dinner one night) and told him that what he was doing was wrong and that his wife and kid deserved better.  I didn't threaten to tell his wife.  I didn't respond to his follow-up texts.  About a month after that, the Ashley Madison stuff happened.  His name was on the Fairfax County list...

I didn't say anything to the wife because I don't know what their situation is.  I know that he is married and I know he was lying to me.  However, I don't know if they have an "understanding" or some other arrangement.  It's just not my business.[/quote]

You went out on 4 dates with the guy and you never actually slept with him.  Now his name is on the Ashley Madison list. If the wife wants to know, she will find out.

Op has unwittingly been in an affair with a married guy for *2 years*.  He bought a condo that his wife doesn't know about (I think that was Op's guy but I may getting some of the cheaters confused).

That is a lot different than what you are describing although the guy you went out sounds like a real scumbag.[/quote]

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