Reply to Update: New nephews not fitting into family dynamic

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Off topic, but the next time they come to a family dinner, just make some mac and cheese, the kind they like.  You can make it ahead of time and heat it up in the microwave.  Don't make a big deal out of it or even mention it, just put it out with everything else and let them decide what they want.  Making someone's favorite food is a way of showing them you care.  If people don't make a big damn deal out of it, eventually they will probably branch out a little bit.[/quote]

That's a really nice idea.[/quote]
Or maybe the boys' mother should realize her 12 and 9 year old son still cannot eat what everyone else is eating and needs to bring their special chicken nuggets and mac n cheese to all family meals. Why does it need to be on OP to parent these boys? Their mother needs to start parenting her own sons! Their behavior is not because they are stressed out. Their behavior is because their mother does not punish them for misbehaving and coddles them. People really don't get that?[/quote]

Feed the kids beforehand and let them snack at dinner on whatever they will eat.  The other adults need to back off and not insist that they try food that they are not interested in eating - let the parents handle it.  If they start to flip out and throw food or yell/cry/scream - they need to Go Home.[/quote]
But that is the problem - their mother is not handling it! If OP tries to discipline the boys, the mother throws a fit that her precious angels are being excluded from the family. BIL seems to be too new in the role of stepfather and doesn't feel comfortable discipling them (am I correct, OP?) plus I'm sure his wife would also freak if he tried to do so.

SIL doesn't want to hear any criticism regarding her boys and won't discipline them.

I'm guessing OP doesn't care that they just eat chicken nuggets and mac n cheese. It's the tantrums they are throwing if they don't get their food that she has the problem with. It's the tantrums they are throwing when they lose at their video games that she is having a problem with. That plus their own mother is not handling them when they throw tantrums. They are 12 and 9 years old. That behavior is NOT acceptable.

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